Schemer's Diary
by Ekaterina Cuore
Summary: After Zexion's death, Axel discovers his Schemers diary. Based after 'Nightmare' Note: the dates are just randomly picked
1. Chapter 1

Schemer's Diary

I opened my eyes once more and noticed I was once again in my room. As I felt my cheeks humid, I realized I was crying, maybe the tears that I couldn't shed after he fade. "Zexion." I said once more. I stood up and started to roam around my room, after that, the entire castle. Apparently it was still early, an advantage I guess. After I walked for what it seemed forever, I stopped in front of a room that was marked 'VI'. As I opened it, I noticed it was dark and cold, like if it wasn't entered for years, making me feel even worse. "Remember Axel, we don't actually feel." I said to myself, trying to imitate his voice. I turned on the lights and saw the simple of things: his bed, a small chest and of course, the door to his private bathroom. There wasn't much to see, beside the books and clothes scattered around the floor, so decided to let myself explore.

From the top of his chest, there was a small and thin book and a picture frame next to it, so I grabbed both of them and crawled myself to his soft cold bed. As I buried myself to his sheets, I noticed in the frame there was a photo of the entire Organization, founding Zexion eyes glued to me with pink flushing in his cheeks. My eyes watered once more, I barely had the chance to spend time with my Schemer, only the times I passed by giving him quick pecks on his cheeks, and only one time, when we truly kiss. I put away the frame and decided to open the book, and clearly studied the first page. It said on his fine writing: **Schemer's Diary **"So…he had a diary." I said to myself. I flipped to the next page and softly read it contents.

_**I can't believe I am doing this, but here it goes. **_

_**May 2,?**_

_**I don't remember a thing from my past now, apparently after these long dreadful years, my memories have officially abandoned me, only leaving me with my former name: Ienzo. Before I keep forgetting more things, I rather write all down; I would be of no use if I keep forgetting. **_

_**My parents died when I was kid, reasons? It remains unknown. I became one of the six apprentices of Ansem the Wise, the one who also took me in. I felt grateful with him, he being a father figure and all, but something led me to displease him and…long story short, we lost our hearts and I became Zexion. **_

_**To tell the truth, I don't really want to know with exact details how I lost my heart, but the fact that we messed with the darkness, it led us to this. **_

_**I still remember where I lived, and even if it had change by the years, i enjoy going there to the missions. Hollow Bastion, that's the current name, a bit dreadful, but when I look at Kingdome Hearts, I remember the beauty of the town and at the end, the lovely name…Radiant Garden. **_

_**Somehow, I almost remember other things as a kid, like the fact I usually wondered off, making me bump with other people. I met a boy once, he was a teenage boy with red hair and emeralds for eyes, don't remember his name though, but does it matter anymore? I have no heart, I have no feelings, but sometimes I just do feel around some.**_

_**Now this is where it starts. Today, after a long day of missions, Axel just distracted me once more.**_

I stopped as I read the sentence as I raised an eyebrow. "So, how do you really feel about me?"

_**The Superior wanted to take a picture of the entire Organization, didn't know why, but should I even question him? I'm second-in-command, and he trusts me with many of his secrets, so why should I question his idea of…fun? **_

_**We were all ordered to appear on the Altar; even Roxas who was still a zombie, but the sight was just amusing, here's why. As I waited next to Xemnas who was talking to Saix (which I don't trust), Axel arrived threw the portal with Roxas in his arms, which I could swear I felt my chest tighten for reasons unknown, almost falling to the floor. I had to walk up to him and gave in a smirk, which that's the only thing that he can get out of me, a smirk. "Want to give me a hand here?" he said, his voices so childish yet mature. What is it from this man that intrigues me? His eyes? His hips? What am I saying? **_

_**Demyx intrude of course, as he started to clap simulating a joke. The both of them are quite the same in so many ways. Returning to my tale, we started to get in line for the picture, the original six in the back, and the rest kneeling in front. So Axel supposed to be FAR from me, but apparently Roxas couldn't be left alone, and for the love of Gaia, he was sitting on the floor, of course he could be alone for five seconds, but Xemnas decided for Axel to kneel in front and posed. Now, the thing that distracted me the most was that he turned to face me before the camera would take a picture and just wink.**_

_**Now, I don't know why that wink got me by surprise, but I was happy that camera took several pictures which I ended up normal. In a quick second, everyone received a copy, and maybe it was a cruel joke on behalf of Xemnas, but he gave me the picture that I end up looking at Axel with my face flushing in red. After that, I realized all about my memories and started this. **_

_**Still, I don't understand why Axel distraction made me feel something strange, even worse blush. I hope it never happens again. **_

_**~vi~**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Schemer's Diary **

Chapter 2

After a long day of doing missions, I returned to the Grey Area, only to see the emptiness of all. Now, because there were fewer members, the castle felt a bit empty, like if it was missing something.

As I walked through the emptiness of the halls, I heard a sitar playing. The melody was a bit depressing, maybe because Demyx miss Zexion? They were started to get along, not as a couple of course, but still… I shook my head and headed to his door were it had scribble 'IX'. "Demyx." I said as knocked on the door.

"Hey Axel." Said a voice as he opened the door, it was Roxas. I raised an eyebrow at him, of all the places; it surprised me to see him there.

"So, what up buddy?" I asked crossing my arms. "I thought you were going to RTC a bit late."

"Well yeah, but…the thing is, the Beast took care most of the heartless so I wasn't needed." The blond haired boy explained. Demyx was sitting on the floor, sitar in hand, but didn't continue playing.

"Can't believe they are gone. I expected it from Vexen because let's face it, the dude was old, but the rest?" started Demyx, he was actually out of it, and maybe he couldn't help it. This Nocturnal was the most sociable Nobody around the whole Organization, and hearing that some have just died was just bad news.

Being here made me even feel worse, so I decided to leave the both of them alone and headed to my room, hoping to get some sleep.

Since this morning, Xemnas called us into meeting, which the first thing I noticed was that the room was bigger. He started talking about our fallen members, and the fact that there was fewer hands working made our Superior think that we needed to work two times more than before…lovely. The other thing he talked was the 'unexpected' promotion that Saix had as second-in-command and did everyone care? No one gave a shit about, not even me; I had to look away.

I barely paid attention to the meetings. Before C.O, I usually spend the meetings doing two simple things: annoying the ones in front of me until they burst into constant threats or kept my eye on Zexion, and here's why. He usually don't smile and act so cute, but I noticed that every meeting we have, at any time, he closes his eyes and smiles, a blush creeping unto his face, and since then, I was determent to see it when it happens, but now, he was gone.

I reached my room, hoping I can just forget, but at the instant I opened the door, a blue figure waited for me, sitting on MY bed.

"Why haven't you reported to me?" Saix started, but I manage to head to the bathroom before saying anything.

"Why didn't you give me a day off? After all, I managed doing all the dirty work while you…"

"Axel." He snarled at me. So for him, I'm still his 'close' friend, making me do all his work and not paying for anything at the end. I heard footsteps fading, and he was gone.

After a long cold shower, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. I was tired but I didn't want to fall asleep and dream about him, I wouldn't allow it. Everything went silent, if someone fell down or sneezed, anyone would hear it. I turned around and noticed something next to me, the Diary that Zexion left, a fragile little book with the ideas that the Schemer had. As I hold it into my hand, I flipped the first pages that I already read and headed to a new date.

_**May 10, ?**_

_**I was the first that know that today was our Day Off, and some were happy, but I just couldn't stand it. Every Day Off I ever experienced, I waste it on helping Xemnas finishing some paper works, so it wasn't an actual vacation.**_

_**During the cold morning, I headed to the kitchen just to find Xaldin there, making our breakfast which didn't wanted to eat, since my mission to Monstruo, and I think I lost my appetite for an entire month. Lexaeus joined a couple minutes after and like always, he kept silent. Before we could eat, he said something that surprised me, mostly a confession. **_

"_**You know, I'm always here for you." **_

_**Those words hurt me. **_

_**I put the fork down and took a deep breath. Everyone was getting paired, a prime example: Marluxia with Vexen. Knowing Marluxia, he wasn't the type of being faithful, but he always harassed the Chilly Academic, forcing him to sex, and even if Vexen says he hates it, it was obvious he like it. He could've possibly frozen the Graceful Assassin into place, but apparently he didn't want to do so. Marluxia need to appreciate the fact he is bottom, if he ever tops him, it would be his death.**_

_**Returning to the situation, I just shook my head. I couldn't lie. I was grateful for him being my friend and for defending me in some situation, but that's would be all between us, friends. I didn't want anybody; I couldn't bear to lie, to say I have feelings. Thankfully, he understood the message and left to continue his day off. After a few bites of my scramble eggs, I headed to Xemnas' office, finding him eating his breakfast there. **_

I closed the book for a while, with a finger holding the page. There was a knock on the door, so I hid my hand under the pillows.

"Hello Axel. I was wondering if you wanted come play Strip Poker with the rest of the guys?" wondered Luxord, but I denied the invitation. After he closed the door, I tried to concentrate once more on my reading. The boy took it serious about recording everything he did on the day.

_**The Superior greeted me, and I took a seat on the sofa as I grabbed a number of reports. At the end, Saix arrived wanting to 'help' us, but let's face it, he wanted to help Xemnas. It was obvious that he was into the Superior, but something on him didn't make me believe in that theory a 100%. On the meant time, we finished work faster; I was stuck with Axel's report on Deep Jungle, and I had to admit, the way we wrote the report about the details of it made it sound lovely. **_

_**After the whole thing about Picture Day, I wanted to avoid his gaze; somehow it made me feel something. I doubt it was actually feelings, because Nobody doesn't have them at all, but there is something. **_

_**Xemnas wanted to talk with Saix in private, didn't know why, but I had to obey. The first thing to do was to go to the kitchen, were nobody was there. I opened the fridge and noticed a box of sea-salt ice cream waiting. Did I ever have a sweet tooth as a kid? Before I took the first bite, someone pushed me to the fridge, body pressing mine, and I could feel that member breath in my ear. **_

"_**So, I see we have a thief in the Organization." Said the voice, like if he was irritated but still, wanted to tease me, and I knew only one who does that. **_

"_**Axel!" I started, as I tried to struggle. He had one hand around my waist and another one holding the ice cream. "For the love of…I'm in a higher rank than you."**_

"_**But still, I don't like people messing with my sweets." He whispered closely in my ear. "Should I punish you?" I felt the ice cream press on my cheeks, making me feel the coldness of it until I felt his warm tongue liking it off me. He let me go with a wink, and went off eating the ice cream I picked, making stand there in shock. "Hey Roxas." He said to the blond sitting next to Demyx, if I had a heart, it would just broke into pieces, figures he was just trying to play until his true interest arrived.**_

_**I decided to call it a day after I saw Xemnas kiss Saix, so I didn't wanted to intrude much. Gaia, I hate having a Day Off.**_

_**~vi~**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Schemer's Diary**

Chapter 3

Xemnas send me to Wonderland for an entire week just for me to do some recon about a Heartless. I didn't want to go, but sincerely, who would be waiting on me back at the castle? I admit I have Roxas, but he is my best friend, a little brother to me, and I guess since yesterday, Demyx and him became real close aswel. I packed up my bag (including the journal) and headed my way.

During the first 3hrs, I waited for the Heartless to appear, but it was useless, it wasn't going to show up.

"Sure, give the mission to Axel, he doesn't mind." I mumbled and then took a deep breath. "This was Zexion's world." When I remembered the journal, I took it out and started reading from where I left it.

_**May 20, ?**_

_**They sent me to Agrabah for these past ten days! Oh, I knew Saix wanted me off the picture, but these…he went too far. **_

_**In May 11, I woke up early in the morning and decided to head to the Grey Area and talk to Saix about the missions. He had a smile plastered on his face, and at first I thought it was because of the kiss, but when I received my mission, I knew why he had that stupid expression. I know that Nobody doesn't feel anything, but right now, I felt hatred towards him.**_

_**Before I could leave, he wanted me to give a message to Axel, telling him he needed to report to him, and so I did. **_

_**On my way, the halls felt a bit warmer, like if the air conditioning system had shut down, but funny thing, the rooms are naturally cold, so we never bother to add one, making me suspicious. The warmth was coming from Axel's room, thing that doesn't surprise me; somehow he forgets to manage the heat of his room, making it expand throughout the halls. I didn't bother to knock on the door, and decided to enter and get it over with it…big mistake.**_

_**For my surprise, Demyx was keeping Axel company in a way I sort of envied. Both of their bodies weren't fully clothed, and their lips were connected as they fought for control, and apparently Axel was winning. Once again, if I ever had a heart, it would just broke after what happened next.**_

"_**What are you doing?" Asked Axel, realizing I was standing there in shock. "Are you enjoying the show?" Demyx giggled. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I grabbed so books I found lying around his room, thing that surprised me even more, and starting throwing at them. When Xemnas came through a portal, I stopped. He wasn't pleased of what I did, and extended my mission for ten days. **_

_**I left you because Agrabah wasn't a place for a journal, but I wished I did because other things occurred aswel. **_

_***Heartless were roaming around the town constantly, rarely giving me a chance to sleep.**_

_***A sand storm hit the town and I the place I stayed collapsed. **_

_*** I was almost discovered twice.**_

_*** The sand almost damaged my Lexicon.**_

_*** And sand got inside my cloak and into my skin. **_

_**The first thing I did when I arrived was to take a shower then I headed to bed and started writing this nightmare. I would report to Xemnas tomorrow, right now I wanted to crawl under the covers and sleep. **_

_**~v.i~ **_

I closed the diary for a second after hearing a loud crash. There was a tall heartless wrecking the room, showing all his power making me go back to work. As I attacked the thing, I remembered that day perfectly, so the images came across my mind.

Demyx and I lost track of time that day because we were trying to blow off some steam. Both of our relationships were a dead end, I realized that Larxene and I was just a fluke while Demyx relationship with his mystery man didn't work out either. Somehow, seeing Zexion walked on us made me feel bad for the kid, he was actually easy to read, apparently didn't have a good start, and when I started to give some joke just to break the tension, he throws me some books. He had disappeared for ten days, making feel guilty and when he arrived, I wanted to talk to him and apologize about what happen with the sea-salt ice cream and the fact they punished him, but when I heard a slight cry, I knew it wasn't good idea.

Since that day I knew he liked me, but since today I knew I made him suffer.

I threw chakras at the Heartless finishing off by mistake. "Six more days."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Schemer's Diary **_

Chapter 4

It was my second day on Wonderland. The Queen and this young girl, Alice, painted some white roses red, something odd to experience. Right now, from the looks of it, I reached to my conclusion several things. In the first place, this world is completely mad, as if every step is an illusion; the world has dozens of labyrinths, and it's no wonder that this was one of his favorite world.

As I scratch the back of my head, I realized I haven't slept the past few days. Every time I close my eyes, I only see him dying over and over again. Like yesterday, the day went slow, so I took the journal once more, risking my safety.

_**May 21, ?**_

_**Today was different. **_

_**]**_

_**Since my last mission, I decided that today I was going to wear the cloak properly, in other words, my entire face was hidden to the world. Most of the members noticed making them ask the reason of it, but I had no response. I made up the excuse that my throat felt soar because of the past few days, and some didn't believe me and others were just as gullible as a pup.**_

_**Xemans was both, he had his suspicion, so he send me to Vexen, a friend of mine that I have to admit, he has his moments that even scares me. Obviously he knew I was fine, but at least he help me more with the lie, saying that I needed to avoid the desert for some time and maybe to avoid conversation... if he wasn't that old or even driven by madness, I would just kiss him for that.**_

"WHAT?" I said out loud, waking up some of the Card Soldiers from their nap and headed to the forest. I started to walk back and forth, and with every step I took, the ground just lid up in flames. "Oh, he wanted to kiss Vexen, huh?" I started arguing to myself. "I don't care." When the flames grew higher, I realized what I was down and so I tried to control it. Heartless started popping out, and apparently they grew bigger, so it took me a while to finish them.

I was out of breath, tired and even sore. There was plenty of heartless, and if anyone asked me how much there was, I would say over a 100. Was it too much to ask at least a partner? The other reason I couldn't sleep last night was because of the constant attacks of the pesky heartless. Most of the time the Organization Members are in missions that last longer making us stay in that world, but because we supposed to be a stealth group, we can't stay in any hotel or any places with a warm bed.

Behind me there were a number of trees that were connected with their branches, making a nest. As I slowly got comfortable, I opened the journal once more and started reading once, promising myself I won't get angry and to make the record straight, I wasn't jealous.

_** I remember after Xemnas left the room, Vexen started to say some things about our past. He was always in charge of taking care of me with Lexeaus, and apparently I was a slippery one for them. A man in a child's body, apparently I was smart enough to avoid school but yet waited in front of the building. I still don't remember why, but maybe if I gain my heart, I would remember.**_

_**After my long chat with Vexen, Marluxia came signaling it was time for me to go and let them be, I bet that the Academic just hate me right now.**_

_**In the Grey Area, Luxord came up to me and said we were supposed to work together in Wonderland. To tell the truth, Wonderland is a funny place, it somehow resembles him perfectly because of the cards, but in my case, the world resembles the illusion that it's based on. I admit that Halloween Town was one of favorite aswel; a world of nightmares and fear, a fiction of real life, but Wonderland is a place only I could understand perfectly. The mission was to find a certain heartless, nothing hard, but when we finally found him, he was able to use an illusion on us, it made it a bit more complicated but I managed.**_

_**After the blond RTC, I stayed behind just to rest on my secret place. Axel isn't the only one who has a place to hang around; in fact, everyone has their place, for an example: Luxord always return to Port Royal to have a drink, Marluxia spend time in Deep Jungle just to discover new plants for his garden, and then there's me, who spend hours between next formed by a large number of trees, reading or even writing 'what if…' stories.**_

_**I found out that 'what if…' stories are entertaining to write, it somehow keeps my head busy from thinking certain things, such as the color of red in someone's hair or the green of someone's eyes. **_

_**When I finally decided to RTC, I reported to Saix and then to Xemnas. Before I could enter, Axel was sitting on a chair as he hearing Xemnas everlasting lecture, reaching a point that turned hypocrite, so I made myself present with a slight cough. **_

"_**Glad that you could make it Number VI." Xemnas started, signaling me to sit. "I know you can't talk so for now, just listen." He looked at both of us and started to think like if he didn't know how to start. "I think the punishment I gave to you about attacking one of your members was bit uncalled for, but you have to understand, throwing things to other members is also uncalled for." Thankfully I still had my hood that covered my face in darkness, making easy to express anything. "And Axel…" Oh, first name bases, apparently it's serious. "You know better that we can't be distracted easily by foolish thing and that you need to get up early in the morning to prevent your superiors coming around your room." Then, there was silence and when we heard someone knocking on the door, the Superior dismissed use. **_

_**When I started to head to my room, Axel held my hand, I thought he was going to struck me down because of that day but he just stood there. **_

"_**Zexy, aren't you going to join us for dinner?" he asked, but I shook my head. "Are you sure?" I didn't respond. "I'm sorry; I didn't know Zemnas and Saix were going to prolong your mission." I turned my head slightly, trying to catch the sight of his, he felt bad. I turned around as I lowered the hood of the cloak and raise my eyes to Axel and nodded. He pushed my hair back making me blush, I never let anyone be so close or even touch me. "You have beautiful eyes Zexy, why do you even hide them?"**_

_**When I noticed Lexaeus looking at us, I quickly pushed his hand away from me and headed to my room and threw myself to bed, reaching out for you and so I wrote this. **_

_**I can't help myself to look at my reflection and ask myself if he was lying about my eyes, but the more I think about it, the more I blush. Sometimes I clench my chest, hoping I could feel my heart beating for once, even if it's hopeless, I keep doing it just for the sake to have feelings.**_

_**Axel…what are you doing to me?**_

_**~vi~**_

I closed my eyes for second and laughed. "I don't know Zexy, I think I'm the one to ask that." I lay down and looked up to the skies that were covered by ranches, making it look like a roof.

"My sweet Zexion, what are you doing to me now?"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Schemer's Diary**_

Chapter 5

On the third day on Wonderland, Xemnas let me return for reasons unknown, so laid on the emptiness of my room. The room felt cold like Vexen, and bringing his name up just makes me laugh, what can I say? He was afraid of me. How could Zexion stood hours beside him? If it was me, I would've killed him at the first second he starts to talk. Maybe that was the key, both usually talked things that were supposed to be smart, like science and other things out of my league. I usually spend time with Roxas and even Demyx, because sometimes we have our common interests, so maybe that's why he kept distant. Zexion would easily feel out of place, and I wouldn't blame him because if we ever switched our so called 'friends', I would felt out of place aswel.

A knock on the door made me snap out of my thoughts. As I headed to the door, I asked who it was and when I heard a familiar voice, I opened it as fast I could. Demyx was standing there, eyes glued to the floor and scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"What up?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh nothing, I just heard you arrived and wanted to say hi." He started, not wanting to look at my eyes.

"Spill it out."

"Saixislookingforyou!" he said in one breath.

"Can you repeat that, but a bit calmer?"

"Saix is looking for you, he says it's important."

"So?" I was going to close the door until he stopped me.

"Please, don't be like that. If you don't go, he will think that I didn't tell you anything and…" Demyx paused for a second and took finally catch his breath. "You know how it is."

I felt bad for him, with Saix changing his temper constantly, it's no wonder Demyx was afraid. "If that worries you, just tell him I'll meet him after dinner." I said, and I knew he wasn't pleased with my decision but he nodded and left running to the end of the hall was Roxas was standing, pulling him for a hug. When the blond noticed I was staring he blushed, making me laugh, who knew?

When I closed the door, I saw Zexion's Diary waiting on top of my bed, hoping that I would read a new chapter. The alarm clock that was recently install by Xemnas marked 6:30pm, and at this hour, the rest of the Organization members returns from their mission and wait at least two hours for Xaldin to cook, so I had time. As I flipped through the pages, I laid once more in my bed and started to read.

_**June 1**__**st**__**, ?**_

_**Finally June arrived, meaning it's my month and soon, my birthday. **_

_**I know that Nobodies don't have beings, and I guess I would never forget it thanks to the Superior constant reminder, but still, some likes to act like if they do have hearts. Number IX, Demyx, can be settled as an example. Why? Just look at him, he always so...energetic, like if anything he does (not relating to the missions of course), he does it with heart. I remember when Demyx begged the Superior to celebrate some holidays and maybe to even celebrate each members 'birthday'. Because we don't remember our day of birth, Xemnas decided to celebrate it according each member's number.**_

_**It would be something like this:**_

_**Xemnas-January 1**__**st**_

_**Xigbar- February 2**__**nd**___

_**Xaldin- March 3**__**rd**_

…_**and it would go on and on.**_

_**I never actually cared to memorize the years that I've been a Nobody, and in some occasions, I just even forget that it supposedly my 'birthday' until Demyx comes running with a small gift next to Lexeaus. Every year it's actually the same thing, a rose that withers within a week or a ring that I usually loose them during my missions in Agrabah.**_

_**What I do enjoy of June 6**__**th**__** is that they give me the entire day off, and this time, a real one, so I spend it reading in Wonderland, maybe having a long chat with Vexen who rarely leaves the castle for a mission or even buy myself a sea-salt ice cream as my personal cake. In one of my many 'birthdays', I headed to Deep Jungle and found a necklace with a dark cameo, so grabbed it and put on my wonder box back in my room. It only contains things I casually found around the worlds like letters that were well written, stones with such unique structure, etc.**_

I closed the journal for a second when I heard someone knocking on the door.

"What is it Demyx?" I asked opening it, but I was mistaken. The one behind the door was the Superior that was holding a smile on his face, it was just creepy. "Superior?"

"Number VIII, it's good to see you returned safely." He said as he entered my chamber.

"Please, do come in." I said with a bit of irritation. Xemnas took a quick look around and noticed some books around my room, why is everyone surprised? Even Zexion was amazed by that time, am I really considered that dumb? "What can I help you with?"

"I ordered some of the members to clean out some of the rooms. The only one left is Zexion's room and I was wondering if you could take care of it." He suggested, even if the idea pained me, I nodded. "Thank you."

After he left, I headed to Zexy's room and started to think what things I would possibly clear out. The first's thing I noticed was a number of books, so I planned to return it to the castle's library, then there was the cloak, so I just hold it for Roxas, maybe he could possibly grow into them in a future. The room had nothing more with meaning, so I summoned a portal that was used to do dispose such thing. When the room grew empty, I noticed that part of the floor had an odd color to it. I supposed to be white but there was almost a beige color in that frame. When I inspected it, there was a see through handle that from far, one couldn't notice.

On the inside, it was dark and hollow, perfect to hide something, so I inserted my hand and felt a medium size chest. The color helped it blend it all; it was black with silver designs that seemed like branches. When I heard someone entering through the door, surprisingly not through the portal, making me react. I put the chest behind my back and quickly turn to offer a smile. "Superior!"

"VIII." He said looking around. "I see you finished."

"Well, I'm a fast cleaner." I said scratching the back of my head.

"I somehow doubt that." Ha ha, I thought sarcasticly. "I wanted Number Ix to do this but he was…nostalgic?"

"How so?"

"Beside Lexeaus being Xezion's usual mission partner, Demyx shared his time with him aswel."

"Didn't knew that." I said opening a portal. "If you excuse, I have to c lean up my room now."

When I found on the comfort side of my room, I covered my eyes with my free hand and let out a soft cry, but yet no tears. The journal was waiting for me, so I left the small chest on my nightstand and returned to my reading.

_**By the way, today I had a mission with Demyx. Yes, the one who usually let me do the whole job, and thankfully, I'm not the only victim he had. **_

_**The world was Halloween town, and the first thing I noticed was that something was off. When I saw Demyx, he was wearing a jester style costume, all black and blue with his silly hat that had broken bell; apparently the deflector wasn't working, that's why we were in costume.**_

"_**You look cute!" he squealed as he pinched my cheeks.**_

"_**Demyx!" I said as I was pushing him off. I looked at a broken mirror near us, and apparently I was a little English boy with an eye patch covering my right eye and a pair of black raven wings. I looked entirely like Roxas age, a 13 year old boy. **_

"_**I'm sorry, it's that you look so adorable." He started.**_

"_**Well don't!" I shouted. "If you want somebody's doll, why don't you call Axel?"**_

"_**Axel? Oh, you thought he and I were more than…" he burst into laughter and then whipped a tear that was running out his cheeks.**_

"_**Am I a joke to you or what number IX?"**_

"_**Chill, I just couldn't help it, you being jealous and all." He said as he pinched my cheeks once more.**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**Look, Axel was never mine. To tell the truth, I'm interested in somebody else." He confessed with eyes shining like stars, how could he lie to himself like this?**_

_**During the entire mission, Demyx kept talking about the member he was interested and every time he started to explain it, it seemed like he had a heart. It somehow surprised how serious he was about him making me almost believe that we can actually feel something.**_

_**As I analyze these things, I realize that I'm actually acting the same way towards Axel. Even if I couldn't stand some things about him, I just can't help to find him fascinating to the point that I don't care about his flaws. Maybe that's the reason Vexen never leaves Marluxia, and I thought he was just playing dumb. **_

_**When we returned, I decided to help Demyx with the condition that he wouldn't tell anyone I'm growing…emotional? I don't know if that could be the word but it had to do I guess. After setting a couple of missions with his 'love' interest, I returned to the Grey Area where I found Axel sleeping on one of the couches, bringing a smile on my face. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and satin one of the spot that was clear of his body. Since nobody was around, I took off on of my gloves and touched his cheek gently; I slowly got closer. **_

_**Emerald eyes burst opened, making me fall to the floor.**_

"_**Can I help you?" he asked with a smile plastered in his face.**_

"_**Well yes! I saw you sleeping here and I decided to see if you were sick or something." I lied. "Number VIII, do you have a room?"**_

"_**Yes."**_

"_**Well I suggest you sleep there. The Grey Area isn't for anyone's daily naps." I said with an cold expression.**_

"_**Sorry that the mission was exhausting."**_

"_**What world?"**_

"_**Agrabah." He said and suddenly let out a little chuckle. "A bit ironic, don't you think?"**_

_**Before he walked away, Axel almost fell because of how tired he was, so I rushed to the kitchen and grabbed some water then summoned a portal to his room. "It's not good for anyone to overheat themselves, even if they are pyro." When I handed him the glass of water, I turned to face the door. "Hydrate your body and at least get some rest." Before I left, Axel kissed my cheeks.**_

_**Axel...kissed…can't stop blushing though.**_

_**~v.i~ **_


	6. Chapter 6

**Schemer's Diary**

Chapter 6

After a long mission in Agrabah, I headed to Twilight Town to get my usual treat; sea-salt ice cream. I remember being addicted to this before I lost my heart, so the more I eat it, the more I remember who is was. Saix changed a lot since then, and sometimes it sickens me when he plays the 'we were friends' card on me. I felt someone tackling me from behind; making me drop my bitter sweetness…he was going to die. Before I could lash out at the person, somebody else jump on me.

"Axel!" said a gentle voice. Roxas was laughing next to Demyx, and still standing Xion.

"Hey, long time no see Xion." I said scratching the back of my head, trying to avoid killing the ones who were on top of me.

"Well…you know how Saix is." She said with a frown on her face.

"Changing the subject." Said Demyx. "We missed you buddy, you owe this two a day worth's of ice cream."

"I wasn't out that long." I said with a nervous laugh.

"It's not that." Said Roxas with a worried expression. "You haven't been around since Castle Oblivion."

"That's not…"

"You have barely eaten a thing." Said Xion.

"How do you know? What If I eat it when everyone's is asleep?" I said with a grin.

"We know because Demyx always gets his seconds." Pointed Roxas…I was caught.

It's true, I haven't eaten that much with the rest of the members, but not because I was hungry, but every time I eat at the Castle, things just pop up in my mind, taking my hunger away. The past few days, all that I eaten was the food from the shops around here, so I still have my energy.

"Come on, do I look anorexic to you?" I joked revealing my body to them; it was obvious that Roxas and Xion would've blushed.

"Well… he looks the same to Me." pointed Demyx then laughed. "I think he even gain weight."

"Look who's talking."

The group burst into laughter, making Number IX blush in a deep red. Roxas wrapped his arms around the Nocturnal waist and started defending him as he tried to hold his laughter.

I spend the whole day with those three until we end it on the Clock Tower. Xion fell asleep, so Demyx went ahead to RTC, leaving me with Roxas.

"So you and Demyx?" I decided to ask, making the blond haired boy blush.

"What are you talking about, that's just…" He paused and then took a deep breath. "Is it obvious?"

"Is like the love that Marluxia had with his flower." I said extending my arms.

"AXEL!" he shouted covering his face, and I didn't say anything perverted.

"Wow, how dirty minded can you get?"

"Shut up…no more ice cream for you." He threatened me, it was too much for me, and I was going to die. "Look, I'm heading back."

"I'll stay here a little bit longer."

"If you say so." Roxas summoned a portal, finally leaving me alone.

On my pocket, I held my new tradition; his journal. Every time I read an entry, I found myself in shock as his true feelings shows. Hypocrite, I thought with a smile plastered in my face, defending the fact that we don't feel, that we are just to fooling ourselves, and still, here is the evidence.

I flipped the pages and noticed my next chapter, and with the sight of his handwriting, I felt his pain, what happened?

**June 3,?**

**I was so weak, somehow, a part of me wished to fade. Why? So easy to explain, but it pains me still. We were called to a meeting, only the original six, but I was running late. **

**I know I could've just summoned a portal, but the thought that I was an hour late just made me forget all the things I could've done. The Grey Area was empty except the thought of Axel still resting on the couch, does he ever learn? Yesterday he was punished because of his outburst during a meeting, something tells me he just a masochist. I dared myself to wrap my fingers in his red locks, it was so soft and a hint of cinnamon hit my nose…did he just ate waffles? "Breaking the rules?" I decided to asked, crossing my arms around my chest. **

"**It's a rule you implanted only on Me." he laughed, eyes still close. **

"**Oh? Where's your proof Number VIII?" I asked raising an eyebrow. **

**His eyes opened a little bit, exposing his emerald eyes. "No, but I can play detective on you."**

**I stood there, completely in shocked! He laughed, was I blushing? I didn't know what to do, what to say, I just stood there. He offered a hand and with his sly grin and a blink, he said "Would you give me the honor to do so?" I laughed, not the 'I want to see you try', not the 'I'm laughing because I'm afraid' but the kind of laugh you give if you have a heart. I covered my lips when I felt him pulling me by my waist, making me blush any deeper. "Oh, so you can laugh." He pointed the obvious. "It sounds beautiful, like a little kid having fun." **

**Before I could even defend myself, I saw Saix on the hall, watching the entire thing. His eyes had hatred on them, and when he noticed me, he just shook his head. I was supposed to be second in command, and its official, I'm now awfully late. I summoned a portal and with Saix, I finally arrived to the meeting. The Superior was silent, hand covering his eyes, while the rest started murmuring things. I put my hood up, and took a seat on my chair while Saix crossed to his. The meeting went as following: the status of Kingdome Hearts, the population of the heartless had increased in different worlds, and last and not least, our mission in Castle Oblivion. It just devastated me listening that I have to go to that castle with some others; that place just brings chills to my spine.**

**I was supposed to be in charge, but because of my actions today, Marluxia would be the leader. The thought of being ordered around by that pink haired freak just boiled my blood. After the meeting had ended, I stood there in the room with IV and V.**

"**I can't believe it!" I shouted wishing I could throw a punch at something.**

"**Me either." Vexen shrugged, eyes glued to the floor. "To tell the truth, something was off about Marluxia."**

"**How off?" said Lexeaus. **

"**He was spending more time with Larxene, always in a corner, whispering…I think they are plotting." **

**Vexen said looking away, a plot? No, they aren't that dumb, are they? **

"**We need to counter attack." I whispered, both stayed there silent, not because what I said, but because there was another guest in the room. **

"**Number VI, can I speak to you?" said an expressionless voice. **

"**Of course, should we go to my room?" I asked summoning a portal. **

**I turned to face him where he just snarled at me cruel words that were now tattooed in my head. Could I even repeat what he said? I'm not the kind who takes things so personally because I don't actually believe that we can feel hurt, but I was wrong. He said I was useless, that I'm getting weaker by the time, and worst of all not worthy of a heart. Who was he to tell me I was worthy or not? The worst thing that happened was when he headed started to leave, he paused at the exit and whispered "You're not even worthy to be loved."**

**Love, that's the only thing that actually hurt me. Why? Maybe because after I heard Demyx talking about it with such passion, I just wanted to experience for my own. But somehow, he was right. I'm just fooling myself with this lie.**

**I wish I could just…**

**A couple minutes back, as I was writing, someone knocked on my door. I admitted I was crying, so before I could open it, I whipped my tears away. Axel stood there holding two sea-salt ice cream and was wearing a smile. I couldn't reject the offer, so I invited him in. As delicious that the frozen treat was, I couldn't help myself to think the words that were said, but something about Axel made me just forget. **

"**Why?" I decided to ask.**

"**I can't offer you any treats now or then?" he responded as he scratched the back of his head. **

"**Thank you…Axel."**

"**Wow, first time I ever heard you say my name." he said a bit surprised.**

"**Well, I just…" before I could say a thing, he kissed my cheek and even winked at me.**

"**Just say it more often, okay?" **

**As the moment he vanished through a portal, I placed a gloved hand on my cheek and smiled. Hope…when some takes it away from me, there he is to return it.**

**Thank you, Axel.  
**

**~v.i~**

"Say it once more." I whispered to the skies. "Say it, say my name."

**A.N**

**Okay, I think I missed spelled Lexeaus name…oh well. A storm is approaching and I wanted to leave you guys an update before the lights went off with my internet. Please enjoy, and don't forget to tell me what you think about it. **

**~E.C~**


	7. Chapter 7

**Schemer's Diary**

Chapter 7

Since the last time I read his journal, I seemed a bit out of it. His voice was carved into my memories, how I missed it so. After I started to read it for the past few days, I became more distant towards Saix, and why would he mind? I'm more a puppet to him than a friend.

I also spend more time with Roxas and Xion, and I didn't forget about Demyx, he also tags along in different occasions. We faced some problems that required a little help on my behalf but still, what are friends for.

It's been weeks since I haven't read another entry thanks to our all mighty Superior. He given missions by the dozen, and worth than that, he sometimes wanted me to return on Castle Oblivion. To tell the truth, I swear I could see ghosts following me, one of them, the Chilly Academic. There was one time Xemnas forced me to go to the basement, the experience was unforgettable.

I finally had a Day off, after constantly going into missions, it felt like the joy of a fat kid when they told him that he can return eating junk food, or it's like returning having a sea salt ice-cream after a whole year without it; the thought of it scares me. The only thing I wanted to do is to get some sleep…did I get some? No. I looked myself in the mirror, the image of a tiresome man was in front of me, how long has it been since I slept?

I laid on my bed as I opened the journal to the day that I last left off.

**June 5, ?**

**How I wished this day could've just past.**

**Xemnas couldn't stop for a second and think that I'm getting tired of all the missions he sends me to? This past two days I've been to Agrabah, and in my mind, I had enough, that's why I hid on the castle's library. **

**Books, they were the only things that could calm my blood, and mostly after the Superior told me, I just wanted to read. One thing is being in charge with Marluxia in Castle Oblivion were that place screws with your mind, but promoting Saix was just uncalled for. I didn't even left! **

**When I saw the name of the book I wanted to read so badly, I smiled. The cover was black with bloody colored frames, and in the middle the image of a raven. What make this intriguing? Maybe it's the way the author writes, maybe is the suspense it brings, or in fact, the thrills I somehow feel when I read some of his tales****. I flipped to the pages until I reached were I last left of, a poem with the name that somehow soothes my inexistent soul.**

'**It was many and many a year ago,**

**In a kingdom by the sea,**

**That a maiden there lived whom you may know**

**By the name of ANNABEL LEE;**

**And this maiden she lived with no other thought**

**Than to love and be loved by me.'**

**I didn't know why I decided to recite the poem, but I kept doing it so freely, so…involved? Before I could end, a voice decided to recites its end.**

'**For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams**

**Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;**

**And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes**

**Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;**

**And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side**

**Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,**

**In the sepulchre there by the sea,**

**In her tomb by the sounding sea.'**

**The way the voice recited was filled with passion towards the girl, and I wondered why? I closed my book and decided to turn; facing those pair of eyes I loved the most. It was a surprise to see him here, but these past few days, it's only been like that, surprises. Before I could say a thing, Axel grabbed the book and started flipping around the pages. "A bit dark, don't you think?" he asked, should I even respond to that? **

"**Have you read some of his work?"**

"**When I was bored I bumped into this, so yeah." He laughed when he reached a certain page. "Hop Frog was the only one that made me laugh."**

"**Vexen thinks it's quite terrifying." I said crossing my legs and trying to hold my laughter, why did I even do that?**

"**I imagine, him being ice and all. It would've be interesting to see him burn." Our eyes connected for a moment, our expression were within amazement, and then I looked away.**

"**I'm not afraid." I said, a smile curled up on his lips.**

"**Oh, you aren't afraid of getting burned?"**

"**I'm sorry to disappoint you, but no."**

"**Are you sure?" Axel got closer as he could, and put an ungloved finger near my lips. It was warm at first, but then it started to sting a little. He continued slowly until he reached my neck making me tremble for once; in his eyes, it seemed that he was pleased. He started to lean closer, his lips hovering over mine, his breath hitting my skin, until I heard someone coughing. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." **

"**Tomo...wait?" Before I asked why, I saw Vexen standing there. I went up to him and pulled up my hood, I'll admit, I was completely embarrassed to even face him, a father figure to me since a kid. **

**He took me to his lab were Lexeaus waited, it was no surprise that Number V was snooping around, checking in each potion that Vexen created since his arrival. When the Silent Hero noticed me, he was confused and was trying to figure the reasons why I was covering my face. Before our meeting could start, Vexen handed me a lotion that cured my burned skin and lips, but as I kept applying it to the area, my mind was in a 'what if...' What if I didn't let myself burn? What if I leaned in for the kiss? What if I kissed him? What if something else happened? During the entire time they talked, I pretended to listen, but Gaia knows well were my mind was.**

"**We need to keep distant from the rest." Said Lexeaus, trying to find my eyes, but I kept rubbing the lotion. It had a sweet scent, was it mint? Yes, yes it was. When I realized he talked to me, I nodded. Even if I was distracted, I knew what he meant. Marluxia and Larxene are a dangerous mix; Vexen knows well how they would react if they knew. I sometimes worry for him, what if they figure out? ****He was a walking dead man and sooner or later, he would fade.**

**Now that I think about it, the word fade has a strange ring to it. Why wouldn't we just say rot or discompose? That's what happened when someone dies, but apparently you need a heart to do so. **

**Death, the only thing without answers, the only thing that can drive any human mad, the only thing we rather have than fading away to the unknown. Yes, I rather die than fading away, not matter what, I rather die with a heart than fade as a Nobody. **

**Once we finished our little reunion, I headed to the kitchen, trying to calm the growling that was coming out of me. Did I even eat breakfast? Xaldin wasn't preparing lunch, meaning that he was still in his mission, so I grabbed the leftovers from last night and look at it with disgust. I decided to head out, maybe Twilight Town, there something good to eat. Before I could head out, the Superior joined me in the room, and tried to search something to eat aswel, resulting that both of us end up eating together.**

**How do we acquire food without them noticing who we are? Well, the one who takes our orders is only seeing us in a different perspective, the one I'm actually providing. Does Axel use my tactic to order his sweets? In his case, he never does, apparently the dude doesn't care how you look like; only the munny you're caring. Now, I was absolutely quiet during the whole meal, because: I was concentrating on the illusion and then there's the fact about Saix. I don't trust him, something is wrong about him, and I doubt that the Superior's would believe me. **

"**I wanted to inform you that you will be sent into Castle Oblivion at the end of June." The Superior decided to say as he took a sip of his coffee. In that precise moment, I almost lost my concentration or maybe I lost it but we were so damn lucky that the place didn't have any costumer. "What do you think?" He asked. I wanted to say something, but all that could come out was a pathetic phrase, the one I was so hypocrite to use.**

"**That's sounds like a great idea Superior." But deep inside, I knew it wasn't. **

**~v.i~**

A.N

I AM SORRY! School is being a real pain; things are distracting me and still, I shouldn't be making any excuses. I'll try to finish Schemer's Diary in September, I'll be working hard, I promise. Either way, please enjoy.


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